Listened to another podcast about anger today. It was mentioned that we should think about how it feels when we are angry - how does our body feel? Of course feeling negative emotions is bad for your health. It's good to think about how allowing yourself to feel this way is damaging your body. It certainly does feel totally like crap!
I remember quite a few years ago when I was looking at the world and my energy differently due to Castaneda.... I always kept a check on my energy and if it was being stolen from me and how to prevent that. Well, one day my ex and my grown son were in the kitchen and one of them carelessly dropped and broke a favourite vase or glass of mine - an irreplacable one. I felt absolutely no reaction whatsoever - I simply said oh well, just sweep it up. Both of them were shocked that I didn't get angry. I want to aim for that!
I'm trying not to re-run all the things that this woman did while here but hubby is not helping much - he keeps on and on about it. Then his daughter phoned and of course he told her about it. And for years he worked with kids with horrible behaviour and emotional problems - he said this woman and her son were worse than any kid in that school (an exaggeration I think-but close).
So I've opened the windows and closed the door to the bedroom they stayed in and hope the fresh air will help take out the bad vibes. I want to put my pillows and table back in there so I can meditate in the chosen spot. Better wait a few days and try to get rid of the image of the room when they were there - totally trashed!
Back to the podcast....a reaction we should have when dealing with an angry, hateful, mean person (like this woman) is to feel loving compassion, see that they are pain. The meaner and nastier a person is the more pain they are feeling. While listening to this my immediate reaction was - NO F**ING WAY! - I can't think kind thoughts about this horrid woman.... then realized that if I can't do it, then I'd really have to give up on Buddhism right now. And I'm not doing that! This is also the person I'll have to choose for the 'hostile person' portion of Loving Kindness Meditation.
Watch my breath, be the silent observor, don't condemn myself for the anger.... I keep thinking about the people I've seen who have such a peaceful look and never seem to get upset about anything or anyone at all. I want to be like them. But this is hard, very hard...and my first big challenge is you-know-who.
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I am not a Buddhist, I am a Christian. I was attending a class on Man's way vs Christ's way today. The question was posed, "who do you think that your life would be better if they were not in it?". I immediately thought of my estranged wife. But then I realized that the Bible says that all things work together for those who love the Lord. Then I realized that if she were gone, God would just have to replace her. I need to humble myself and look for truth in the things this woman who wants me dead has to say or not get the message God has for me.
jpwiggins25@yahoo.com
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