Which tradition of Buddhism?

I've been wondering since I still don't know enough about each tradition of Buddhism if I'd been thinking I was following Zen when I wasn't. The monk at the abbey last weekend thought the podcasts I listen to and find so helpful weren't Zen. As far as I can find there are two schools of Zen, but at this point I don't care. It is possible to be an independent Zennist. Certainly Thich Nhat Hanh is not either of these schools. His path, from the opinions I've read, is his own type of Zen - Vietnamese mixed with other philisopies as well as Engaged Buddhism. His focus on mindfulness is what draws me the most.

So, I posted this query to E-Sangha and the opinions were basically the same. Don't worry about whether what I'm doing is specific to a certain tradition. Most people start out with Zen. Just go with what I'm doing now, but instead of sticking with Zen only books, look a bit into the other traditions. I'm comfortable now with Zen terms and meditation. I don't care what brand of belief system the podcasts are...I've found them extremely helpful and will continue to listen to and practice what is taught.

Years ago I thought about coming up with my religion....just choosing what I find is right for me and following it, no matter what belief system it came from. The person insisted I couldn't do that. Well....why the hell not? I don't intend to do that now, but I'm likely to not follow any specific branch to the letter. Of course it will be Buddhist because I see how right the basics feel to me.

Throssel Hole Buddhist Abbey

Returned from my first retreat this evening. It was well worth the trip. Even though I usually feel anxious in a new type of environment and being with many people I've never met, I gained much through this visit. The retreat is the introductory one - from late afternoon on Friday to after lunch on Sunday.

There were 19 of us of various ages attending. As I expected from the type of people who would attend a Buddhist retreat, all... emm..well almost all... were quite friendly and open.

The schedules were quite full which I found exhausting, but there was always time to have a cuppa tea and a stroll around the lovely grounds. Included in the weekend was meditation instruction and many sessions of meditation, help with finding the right posture for meditation, walking meditation, lectures, discussion sessions with tea and biscuits, working meditation (with various chores), attending services with the monks and novices, spiritual counseling if desired.

Meals were fabulous vegetarian fare! Our dinner Friday night was social (talking allowed) and our last meal - Sunday lunch - was also social. The rest of the meals were silent and very mindful. I quite enjoyed bowing....bowing to the food, to each other, to the altars, in the ceremony hall to the cosmic Buddha... Something very centering about stopping to bow....

I was quite pleased that we had our own cupboards for our belongings including one in the bathroom. We all slept in the big ceremony hall with a curtain down the middle dividing the men and women. Not bad except that the fold up 'mattress' we used was a bit narrow and short so that rolling over or spreading out was a challenge. The 6 am rising wasn't as torturous as I expected it to be and both mornings I was up 5 or 10 minutes before 6 to get a bit of a head start (but then so were most of us!)

An unusual thing I noticed was that many of the people there looked 'familiar' to me...like I'd seen them before, which I knew I hadn't. Some of the monks, many of the participants looked like someone I'd seen before. I'm sure there's some deep meaning in there somewhere about us all being interconnected, but I can't explain it.

I benefited from this retreat by receiving confirmation that I'm going in the right direction, by finding the right meditation posture and technique for myself, by finding out that a retreat a couple of times a year is fine...that regular attendance at a sangha or meditation group is helpful but not mandatory in order for me to make progress. I feel more focused now and am determined that nothing will stop me from meditating every single day, even if only for a short time.

My first retreat

Heading to Throssel Hole Zen Buddhist Abbey for the weekend for the introductory retreat. Can I get up at 6am and can I keep my gob closed for extended periods of time?

http://www.throssel.org.uk/

Bad karma?

I'm wondering about this concept of karma. Am I being denied inner peace because of bad karma? Because of bad things I've done in my life? Am I now being repaid and is there a way to redeem myself? If reincarnation is true, I know I'm definitely on my first life because I certainly didn't get it right....well...not yet anyway. Buddhists, however, have the concept of rebirth which is not the same as reincarnation as far as I can understand. Still a bit heavy for me and I'll look into deciphering this later. I'm still in nursery school here!

The movie Defending Your Life most certainly made me think. They used the concept of fear as to when you get to move forward and finish your earthly incarnations. When you prove yourself courageous, you move to heaven. Interesting.

(on a totally unrelated note....I've realized that if my gran was still alive she'd be 99 years old today).

Lapse

Had too long a lapse in my meditation.... so easy to get off track. Anyway, last night I went to bed and fell asleep for a very short time. Then I awoke and it felt like I'd been injected with adrenalin! Tried deep slow breathing but it didn't help. Finally went to sleep after nearly two hours. I don't wake up refreshed very often.

Meditated this evening and will do my best to do so every single day. The retreat is a week from Friday.